I've Lost 50lbs, Now What?

Guess what? I met my weight loss goal and have been maintaining it for over a year now. I never thought the day would come. I have dreamed about it for so long, that most days I feel like I am living the dream instead of reality. What I didn’t expect about reaching my goal was even though I shed the weight, I didn’t shed the insecurities and addictions.

 

How many of us who have lost weight or are losing weight have said to ourselves, “I will be happy when…” I know I have, more times than I can count. I always thought I would find true happiness when I reached my goal. Man! Was I wrong! Just because I shed the pounds didn’t mean I dealt with what was going on, on the inside. My 50 pound security blanket kept me safe from these insecurities but now that it was gone, I felt naked, vulnerable.

 

I often ask the question, “who am I now?” I have this thinner body, smaller clothes, and I look in the mirror and realize, “it is me, just a healthier version!” I now have more energy, the confidence to try new things, and I feel like I’m experiencing life for the first time in 25 years. I went from closing myself off from the world so I wouldn’t get hurt to running my first 10 mile race. A 10 mile race for this girl is amazing since I had never run more than a mile before. I have pushed myself past limits that I didn’t know I could overcome and I have to admit I love the person I am becoming. I am still the same person, just discovering who I have always been, but too afraid to meet.

 

Even though I have embraced this strong woman I am becoming, I still find traces of the insecure girl I was. I still struggle with a love for sweets and I still look in the mirror and see the imperfections after losing 50 pounds. I will admit I struggle, especially when desserts are in the break room and I have to walk past them every single time to make a copy. Another struggle is when someone offers me a treat, whether out of love or to sabotage me, and I have to say “no”. It may not be one time I say “no” but three or four times until they finally stop. The courage it takes us, whether we are just beginning, in the middle, or at the end of our weight loss journey to say “no” once is tremendous. But when we have to continue to say “no” to the same person it is excruciating, but it makes us stronger.

 

I love food! It doesn’t have to be sweets, I enjoy it all! I wish my addiction wasn’t something I needed on a daily basis to survive, but it is. I try to surround myself with people who support me and pick me up when I fall. Believe me, I am not perfect and I give in, but what counts is at the next meal, not the next day, we make a better choice. We always have a choice. Cate from this season’s Biggest Loser said something that stuck with me, “exercise isn’t a chore, it is a gift!” I love that even though it is hard, nothing worth doing is easy, and to have the courage to accept this gift is truly amazing.

 

And so my journey continues. The “now what” part begins with discovering where my insecurities come from and how I can manage my love for sweets without spiraling out of control. But that is an article for another day. Just stay strong and keep fighting, because what’s on the other side is so worth the hard work, sacrifice, and tears, just you wait and see!