A Leap of Faith

"What am I doing?" WHAT. AM. I. DOING?" I reach for the closest twig I can find, praying that it will keep me from tumbling down to my death. I inch my way up the cliff, little by little, grabbing for anything to keep me safe.


"Am I really going to do this?" Doubt fills my mind. "I might die!" Consumed by my fear, I realize I have reached the top. I lean over and see how far down it is. In reality, it's probably not that high, but to me, it was the highest cliff on earth.


"I shouldn't have looked. What am I doing? If I leave now, I will look weak. If I leave now, I am giving up."

 
I try to stand and immediately return to my crouching position.


I attempt a second time. I am able to stand, body trembling. My friends offer words of encouragement. As each encouragement is spoken, I inch closer and closer, until I can inch no further.


"Lord, I'm terrified. Please don't let me die."


And as if He were guiding me, I was gently pushed forward into the unknown. I had nowhere to go but down. I could choose the easy way and go back down the way I came or choose a path that could lead to something more.


Eyes squeezed shut, nose plugged. I took a leap of faith.

 
I jumped off the ledge and trusted God would keep me safe. And He did!

 

"Having hope will give you courage." ~ Job 11:18

 

For the people who know me, this is completely out of my character. In the past, I have been very content living in the box I have created for myself. But now! I'm craving more, more of everything.


I am thankful for my trials because it has made me more appreciative of what I have now. I look back at the mountains and valleys that it has taken to get to this point. But He brought me through it, as He promised.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ~ Romans 5:3-4

 

The Lord has been gradually changing the desires of my heart. As I said above, I crave more. I crave God's Word like I never have and it excites me!! The possibilities are endless when I walk with Him.

 

For "I cling to you; your right hand holds me securely." ~ Psalm 63:8

I also crave adventure more than I ever have. A friend told me recently to "not let fear or money get in the way of things I want to do." This statement kept turning over in my head.


I have been listening to sermons online from Mars Hill Church and while I was talking with my friend who lives there, I asked them if they've ever been. "Yes! I love it! they replied. I mentioned that I would love to go one day and they said "Come up!”


Could I really just "come up" that easily? The next thing I know, I am looking at flights. Fear reared its ugly head and I started thinking about all the MONEY I would spend and I'm sure I could use it somewhere else. REALLY?!?


I sat down and looked over my finances and it all worked out, but why was I still hesitating?

 

FEAR!!

 

"Do not let fear or money get in the way!" Again this statement came to mind. Is God trying to tell me something through my friend's words?


Three days later, I'm sitting in front of the computer, absolutely paralyzed as I look at flights again. "What am I waiting for?" I could literally feel the fear coursing through my body.

 

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He's done." ~ Philippians 4:6

 

I say a little prayer and with some words of encouragement, I clicked "purchase."


Purchasing a plane ticket may not seem as courageous as jumping off a cliff but both situations forced me to trust God completely. I don't really have a plan except, I know when I'm leaving and where I'm staying, after that, it is unknown.
 

But Jesus said, "If you try and hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed." ~ Luke 9:24-25

 

I'm not sure what will come from the journey ahead but I'm excited to see how God works in my life.

I've Lost 50lbs, Now What?

Guess what? I met my weight loss goal and have been maintaining it for over a year now. I never thought the day would come. I have dreamed about it for so long, that most days I feel like I am living the dream instead of reality. What I didn’t expect about reaching my goal was even though I shed the weight, I didn’t shed the insecurities and addictions.

 

How many of us who have lost weight or are losing weight have said to ourselves, “I will be happy when…” I know I have, more times than I can count. I always thought I would find true happiness when I reached my goal. Man! Was I wrong! Just because I shed the pounds didn’t mean I dealt with what was going on, on the inside. My 50 pound security blanket kept me safe from these insecurities but now that it was gone, I felt naked, vulnerable.

 

I often ask the question, “who am I now?” I have this thinner body, smaller clothes, and I look in the mirror and realize, “it is me, just a healthier version!” I now have more energy, the confidence to try new things, and I feel like I’m experiencing life for the first time in 25 years. I went from closing myself off from the world so I wouldn’t get hurt to running my first 10 mile race. A 10 mile race for this girl is amazing since I had never run more than a mile before. I have pushed myself past limits that I didn’t know I could overcome and I have to admit I love the person I am becoming. I am still the same person, just discovering who I have always been, but too afraid to meet.

 

Even though I have embraced this strong woman I am becoming, I still find traces of the insecure girl I was. I still struggle with a love for sweets and I still look in the mirror and see the imperfections after losing 50 pounds. I will admit I struggle, especially when desserts are in the break room and I have to walk past them every single time to make a copy. Another struggle is when someone offers me a treat, whether out of love or to sabotage me, and I have to say “no”. It may not be one time I say “no” but three or four times until they finally stop. The courage it takes us, whether we are just beginning, in the middle, or at the end of our weight loss journey to say “no” once is tremendous. But when we have to continue to say “no” to the same person it is excruciating, but it makes us stronger.

 

I love food! It doesn’t have to be sweets, I enjoy it all! I wish my addiction wasn’t something I needed on a daily basis to survive, but it is. I try to surround myself with people who support me and pick me up when I fall. Believe me, I am not perfect and I give in, but what counts is at the next meal, not the next day, we make a better choice. We always have a choice. Cate from this season’s Biggest Loser said something that stuck with me, “exercise isn’t a chore, it is a gift!” I love that even though it is hard, nothing worth doing is easy, and to have the courage to accept this gift is truly amazing.

 

And so my journey continues. The “now what” part begins with discovering where my insecurities come from and how I can manage my love for sweets without spiraling out of control. But that is an article for another day. Just stay strong and keep fighting, because what’s on the other side is so worth the hard work, sacrifice, and tears, just you wait and see!

Breaking Chains

So lost in my thoughts I look up and see her. This girl is amazing. I can see how she resists temptations, pushes past her pain, and laughs as if she's never been hurt. She has a smile that could light a room and passion bubbling to get out. She stands up even when she is afraid. She is strong as if nothing could bring her down.

As I am standing there, I can't take my eyes off of her. I continue to watch her and I become so overwhelmed. Crippled by this feeling, I fall to my knees and the tears start to stream down my cheeks. The trickle of tears becomes uncontrollable sobs. I know this girl. I thought she was gone forever. Wiping away my tears, I know I need to go to her. I try to stand but I can't. Something is stopping me. I watch as I see her getting away...again.

Still on my knees, too tired to stay upright, I collapse. My face is now to the floor with nowhere to go. Helpless, I begin to sob. My body weak and my heart tired, the tears continue to flow around me. As the puddles form, so do words. "DOUBT!" "FEAR!" "STUPID!" "FAT!" "UNWORTHY!" "UGLY!" These words have burrowed themselves into me. They have wrapped themselves around me like chains for so long making it hard to move, let alone breathe. As I lay there, weighed down by these lies, I realize they are the reason I could never catch that girl.

I have been letting life pass me by, be pushed aside, and taken advantage of. I was CREATED to shine! I was CREATED to catch that girl because when the fog dissipates and clarity sets in, I can see I was looking at me in the mirror the whole time.

I am ready to shine and break the chains, for good, that have been keeping me down all this time.

The Lies I Once Believed

The lies I once believed…

“You are not good enough!”

“You can’t do that, you will fail!”

“You are not beautiful enough!”

“You are nothing!”

“You are worthless!”

Those are lies that I have believed for the past 20 plus years of my life. The enemy has smothered me with fear and doubt. I never realized what a powerful hold he had over me until recently. I look back on my life and see the enemy pushing down the greatness that has so badly wanted to shine through because the enemy was afraid of how powerful I could be if I believed in myself.

Guess what!? It is happening! My greatness is beginning to shine and the enemy better watch his back! I attended a gathering with a group of women and we were challenged to ask God to tell us who we are. Before I was even able to start writing tears began to stream down my face. He couldn’t wait for me to start writing and this is what He told me.

Bridgette…

You are beautiful

You are GOOD ENOUGH!!!!

You deserve to be treated well

Your heart overflows with love

You are stronger than you think

You deserve better than what you settle for

You are loved even when you feel abandoned

You are a fighter!!

You are caring

You are compassionate

You are smarter than you think

You have dreams and I will show them to you

You are WORTHY!!!

It's a Wildlife...

Welcome to my trip to Wildlife Safari with my friends Kori and Amy. We had so much fun!!

Amy, Kori, and I found some ways to entertain ourselves.

While we were vistiting the gift shop we overheard a lady signing up to feed and pet an elephant. This wasn't really something we could do was it? But it was!! We signed up and rode the bus to the elephants and this is where we met George. Above is his footprint.

George is showing us his moves.

George says "Feed me, I'm hungry!"

Here we are getting to pet Mr. George up close. His trunk was the most interesting texture. I'm so glad that we were able to do this! One of the best parts of the trip for me.

Another highlight of the trip was watching Kori ride Calvin the Camel. She was the only brave soul to ride the camel and she did it so well.

Driving around the park we saw this guy just walking down the road that we were on. It was absolutely amazing being able to see him so close.

Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed just a little taste of our adventure to Wildlife Safari.





Finding Strength in Him

When we are weak that seems the best time for the enemy to pounce on us, he seems to know exactly what makes us tick. He wants to drag us away from our Heavenly Father at any cost. This is what I have been experiencing lately. I feel like I’m trying to walk with God but the enemy has latched onto my back and is trying to slow me down and stop me in my tracks. I feel like every choice and every step takes an extra effort.

The enemy knows what my heart desires so he tempts me with it, only it is cheap! It hurts me, lets me down, and breaks my heart over and over. But I allow it because I am weak. I didn’t believe that I deserved anything better, that this was as good as it got. Oh how wrong I was! God heard my cries when I had my face to the floor crying out to Him. He heard me and said “My daughter! I love you! I know that you are weak and cannot let go of this yourself so I’m taking it from you. I have something glorious planned for you! Don’t settle for what the world has to offer you!”

This is one of the most painful, heart wrenching things I have ever been through. I didn’t want to hurt anymore but I couldn’t let go of what was hurting me. God literally had to rip it from my grasp and I had to surrender it to Him!  Every time I think about going back, I stop myself and remember that God has something so perfect for me! He has not forgotten about me. The opposite is happening, He is stretching me and reminding me to come to Him, to trust the plan He has for me, because it is so, so wonderful!

Your Darkness or His Light?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about pain and heartache. Weird I know but it is something that I am going through right now. My question is this, why do we as humans choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for things that help us through?

As I have been delving into my pain and heartache I have noticed a pattern, when the going gets tough I tend to find myself holding onto the pain. It’s almost like I would rather be sad and moody instead of my normally chipper, smiling self. I just can’t muster the strength to reach for my Bible or my journal and work through it. I just sit there and think of all the good and bad memories and end up in tears. I would rather choose to sit alone in my darkness than seek happiness.

Here are some things that help me through a painful time – prayer, my Bible, journaling, talking to a friend, or sometimes just screaming at the top of my lungs while I’m driving (Yes! I may look crazy but sometimes you just need to release all the bad stuff).

Since I have been pondering this question for a while I asked a dear friend of mine, who I admire very much. Why is it that we choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for the things that help us through? Here is her response:

“Oh how I wish I had an answer for that one! We certainly all do it. It takes a wise person to realize the very thing they don’t want to do is exactly what they need to do and doing it will make them feel better. Sometimes we are too close to the situation to get out of it. We have to look at it from a distance and then take the steps needed to improve our situation.

On a more spiritual note; I believe we can only do the “right” thing with God’s power that lives in us.

I am of the theory that the enemy of God will do whatever it takes to keep us down.

·         If journaling helps with depression, he will put in your head 100 reasons why you shouldn’t journal. You are more useful to him when you are depressed.

·         If your weight has you discouraged; he will deceive you into believing that eating will make you feel better. You are more useful to him when you are discouraged.

·         If exercise energizes you and causes you to be healthy; he will fill your mind with lies about your ability and your body to keep you from trying. You are more useful to him when you are tired and unhealthy.

·         If reading your Bible makes you closer to God; this is where he pulls out the BIG GUNS!

Still – all of his attempts are powerless against the Almighty God.

                “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” – Philippians 4:13

That’s why I think, we humans, struggle with this. There is a spirit of evil that does whatever it can to trap us into a worthless feeling life. Only with God’s help can we overcome those lies.”

In my daily devotional, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, this is what it said yesterday:

“Let me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace, leaning on Me as much as you need. There will still be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in My strength. Thank Me for each problem you encounter, and watch to see how I transform trials into blessings. “

                “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadows of death, and guide us to the path of peace. “                                                                                                                                                                             - Luke 1:78-79

Today I am choosing God’s light and refuse to sulk in the darkness. While my trial is painful, I have so much to be thankful for and this too shall pass.

                “At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”  

                      - Galatians 6:9