Breaking Chains

So lost in my thoughts I look up and see her. This girl is amazing. I can see how she resists temptations, pushes past her pain, and laughs as if she's never been hurt. She has a smile that could light a room and passion bubbling to get out. She stands up even when she is afraid. She is strong as if nothing could bring her down.

As I am standing there, I can't take my eyes off of her. I continue to watch her and I become so overwhelmed. Crippled by this feeling, I fall to my knees and the tears start to stream down my cheeks. The trickle of tears becomes uncontrollable sobs. I know this girl. I thought she was gone forever. Wiping away my tears, I know I need to go to her. I try to stand but I can't. Something is stopping me. I watch as I see her getting away...again.

Still on my knees, too tired to stay upright, I collapse. My face is now to the floor with nowhere to go. Helpless, I begin to sob. My body weak and my heart tired, the tears continue to flow around me. As the puddles form, so do words. "DOUBT!" "FEAR!" "STUPID!" "FAT!" "UNWORTHY!" "UGLY!" These words have burrowed themselves into me. They have wrapped themselves around me like chains for so long making it hard to move, let alone breathe. As I lay there, weighed down by these lies, I realize they are the reason I could never catch that girl.

I have been letting life pass me by, be pushed aside, and taken advantage of. I was CREATED to shine! I was CREATED to catch that girl because when the fog dissipates and clarity sets in, I can see I was looking at me in the mirror the whole time.

I am ready to shine and break the chains, for good, that have been keeping me down all this time.

The Lies I Once Believed

The lies I once believed…

“You are not good enough!”

“You can’t do that, you will fail!”

“You are not beautiful enough!”

“You are nothing!”

“You are worthless!”

Those are lies that I have believed for the past 20 plus years of my life. The enemy has smothered me with fear and doubt. I never realized what a powerful hold he had over me until recently. I look back on my life and see the enemy pushing down the greatness that has so badly wanted to shine through because the enemy was afraid of how powerful I could be if I believed in myself.

Guess what!? It is happening! My greatness is beginning to shine and the enemy better watch his back! I attended a gathering with a group of women and we were challenged to ask God to tell us who we are. Before I was even able to start writing tears began to stream down my face. He couldn’t wait for me to start writing and this is what He told me.

Bridgette…

You are beautiful

You are GOOD ENOUGH!!!!

You deserve to be treated well

Your heart overflows with love

You are stronger than you think

You deserve better than what you settle for

You are loved even when you feel abandoned

You are a fighter!!

You are caring

You are compassionate

You are smarter than you think

You have dreams and I will show them to you

You are WORTHY!!!

It's a Wildlife...

Welcome to my trip to Wildlife Safari with my friends Kori and Amy. We had so much fun!!

Amy, Kori, and I found some ways to entertain ourselves.

While we were vistiting the gift shop we overheard a lady signing up to feed and pet an elephant. This wasn't really something we could do was it? But it was!! We signed up and rode the bus to the elephants and this is where we met George. Above is his footprint.

George is showing us his moves.

George says "Feed me, I'm hungry!"

Here we are getting to pet Mr. George up close. His trunk was the most interesting texture. I'm so glad that we were able to do this! One of the best parts of the trip for me.

Another highlight of the trip was watching Kori ride Calvin the Camel. She was the only brave soul to ride the camel and she did it so well.

Driving around the park we saw this guy just walking down the road that we were on. It was absolutely amazing being able to see him so close.

Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed just a little taste of our adventure to Wildlife Safari.





Finding Strength in Him

When we are weak that seems the best time for the enemy to pounce on us, he seems to know exactly what makes us tick. He wants to drag us away from our Heavenly Father at any cost. This is what I have been experiencing lately. I feel like I’m trying to walk with God but the enemy has latched onto my back and is trying to slow me down and stop me in my tracks. I feel like every choice and every step takes an extra effort.

The enemy knows what my heart desires so he tempts me with it, only it is cheap! It hurts me, lets me down, and breaks my heart over and over. But I allow it because I am weak. I didn’t believe that I deserved anything better, that this was as good as it got. Oh how wrong I was! God heard my cries when I had my face to the floor crying out to Him. He heard me and said “My daughter! I love you! I know that you are weak and cannot let go of this yourself so I’m taking it from you. I have something glorious planned for you! Don’t settle for what the world has to offer you!”

This is one of the most painful, heart wrenching things I have ever been through. I didn’t want to hurt anymore but I couldn’t let go of what was hurting me. God literally had to rip it from my grasp and I had to surrender it to Him!  Every time I think about going back, I stop myself and remember that God has something so perfect for me! He has not forgotten about me. The opposite is happening, He is stretching me and reminding me to come to Him, to trust the plan He has for me, because it is so, so wonderful!

Your Darkness or His Light?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about pain and heartache. Weird I know but it is something that I am going through right now. My question is this, why do we as humans choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for things that help us through?

As I have been delving into my pain and heartache I have noticed a pattern, when the going gets tough I tend to find myself holding onto the pain. It’s almost like I would rather be sad and moody instead of my normally chipper, smiling self. I just can’t muster the strength to reach for my Bible or my journal and work through it. I just sit there and think of all the good and bad memories and end up in tears. I would rather choose to sit alone in my darkness than seek happiness.

Here are some things that help me through a painful time – prayer, my Bible, journaling, talking to a friend, or sometimes just screaming at the top of my lungs while I’m driving (Yes! I may look crazy but sometimes you just need to release all the bad stuff).

Since I have been pondering this question for a while I asked a dear friend of mine, who I admire very much. Why is it that we choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for the things that help us through? Here is her response:

“Oh how I wish I had an answer for that one! We certainly all do it. It takes a wise person to realize the very thing they don’t want to do is exactly what they need to do and doing it will make them feel better. Sometimes we are too close to the situation to get out of it. We have to look at it from a distance and then take the steps needed to improve our situation.

On a more spiritual note; I believe we can only do the “right” thing with God’s power that lives in us.

I am of the theory that the enemy of God will do whatever it takes to keep us down.

·         If journaling helps with depression, he will put in your head 100 reasons why you shouldn’t journal. You are more useful to him when you are depressed.

·         If your weight has you discouraged; he will deceive you into believing that eating will make you feel better. You are more useful to him when you are discouraged.

·         If exercise energizes you and causes you to be healthy; he will fill your mind with lies about your ability and your body to keep you from trying. You are more useful to him when you are tired and unhealthy.

·         If reading your Bible makes you closer to God; this is where he pulls out the BIG GUNS!

Still – all of his attempts are powerless against the Almighty God.

                “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” – Philippians 4:13

That’s why I think, we humans, struggle with this. There is a spirit of evil that does whatever it can to trap us into a worthless feeling life. Only with God’s help can we overcome those lies.”

In my daily devotional, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, this is what it said yesterday:

“Let me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace, leaning on Me as much as you need. There will still be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in My strength. Thank Me for each problem you encounter, and watch to see how I transform trials into blessings. “

                “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadows of death, and guide us to the path of peace. “                                                                                                                                                                             - Luke 1:78-79

Today I am choosing God’s light and refuse to sulk in the darkness. While my trial is painful, I have so much to be thankful for and this too shall pass.

                “At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”  

                      - Galatians 6:9

Oh Birthdays...

A birthday celebration took place today at work. I do love birthdays, who doesn’t?? A day all about you! However, today’s birthday celebration was not in honor of me but for a co-worker. She has recently joined our office and we had to “initiate” her into the birthday celebration ritual, which basically means having decorations on every surface of your desk. (Shoot! I should’ve taken a picture!)

So we have the decorations covered, thanks to yours truly and another sneaky co-worker, presents, and what else… CUPCAKES!!!! No birthday would be complete without the previously stated. And if anyone truly knows me, they know that I love me some sweets and normally have a difficult time stopping at one, hence why I was overweight for the majority of the life. Anyways! Since I have been on my weight loss journey, sweets and I have established a love/hate relationship. I love to eat them but my body hates them. 

This morning I walk into the break room and low and behold there they are… beautiful cupcakes!!!! If there could be a light glowing about them and angels singing “aaaaahhhhh” it would have been a perfect moment. I think to myself “Crap! I really want one! No! It’s only 8 am for crying out loud!” I continue to have this back and forth conversation with myself and finally decide against having one. I go to my desk and start my days work. Now the thing you should know is to get to my desk, I have to walk past the break room EVERYTIME!! And everytime those delicious little devils are calling my name. “Bridgette!!!!”

I finally decide that I need  want some chocolate, but I know that the cupcakes will cost be roughly 300-400 calories, that is not in my calorie budget folks! I settle for a small 50 calorie Peppermint Pattie and the urge for more chocolate is gone. It is a small step but it is a step in the right direction.

We all have our weaknesses and temptations, we may not always get it right but if we keep striving to be better it won’t always be a struggle. Take it one day, one step, and one breath at a time.

Be Fearless!

                                           (This is my background picture on my phone. It's a constant reminder)

Why is it that we let fear control our ability to take chances? Lately, I feel like I have fallen into a mode of complacency. I have all these amazing ideas and things I want to do and places I want to see but I let fear rip them from my grasp. I can just see it running around saying “HAHA! I have your hopes and dreams sucker!” I want to be courageous; I want to walk up to fear and say “No! You can’t have my hopes and dreams!” and take them back.  

Funny thing about fear is that it comes in all different shapes and sizes. This is a little hint of what fear looks like for me:

“I don’t have enough money to go do that”

“I don’t have anyone to go with”

“That’s too dangerous”

“I might get lost”

Fear!! Why do I let you control my life?! Don’t get me wrong I have gotten a lot better over the years and feel growth happening as I type this but I wonder what it would be like to say “what the hell!” and just go for it!

“So what if I don’t have enough money to do that, I will save!”

“I will ask around and see if anyone is interested. If not, I will figure something out!”

“Is it really too dangerous or am I just a little chick who doesn’t like to leave mama hen?”

“SO WHAT IF I GET LOST!! I will stop and ask for directions! You have a great invention called an IPhone, USE IT!!!”

Last night I was over at a friend’s house and I kept telling her, “You are so adventurous and take risks! I wish I was more like that!” She proceeded to disagree with me and said that no one would ever describe her as an “adventurous risk taker”, but that is how I see her, and she always inspires me to strive for more! From this conversation we decided to create a small list of things we wanted to do/places we wanted to go and we have a year to complete them. We never discussed what would happen if we didn’t complete them. Any hoo! Be on the lookout for more risks from yours truly! What did you do today that was a risk for you?



Eyes Wide Open

On my way to the gym yesterday I saw a blind person navigating their way down Stevens Rd. by themselves. At first I wasn’t sure what was happening because as I began to approach the stoplight I saw a person in the crosswalk, as I got closer, they began to run. I didn’t understand because we had plenty of distance between us; that’s when I saw they had a white cane with red stripes. As I sat at the stoplight I watched this person find their way by using said cane. I watched as they came close to the end of the sidewalk and I winced expecting them to fall, but they corrected themselves and went on. I couldn’t help to think how brave this person was to be exploring the world in darkness.

Seeing someone struggle to get somewhere really helped put my workouts into perspective for me, I have a healthy body and can get myself where I need to go without anyone’s help but yet I complain about it every step of the way. This was definitely God’s way of humbling me and making me thankful for what I can control in my life.    

This morning before work, I read Colossians 2:12-13 and it reminded me before coming to Christ my life was a dark place that was filled with sin and unhappiness. Yes, I had my happy days but that happiness normally came from sinful things or foods that only provided momentary happiness but nothing that lasted. Since coming to Christ my life has been abundantly full of love, not only for myself but from new friends. I have this amazing group of friends (new and old) that I adore being around and laugh often with.

Last year I worked on losing 50 pounds, this year I’m growing myself spiritually and emotionally. The last few weeks have been hard concerning my eating, and I know that they were in the past, but for some reason this struggle feels like something else. In some aspects I’m rediscovering foods like bacon and sausage, which I thought were awful for me but in MODERATION they are ok. Moderation is my key word for 2012. I want to enjoy food but in moderation. If I want a piece of bread I will have one slice, not two. I want to say that I can have sweets in moderation, but something about sugar makes my brain click into overdrive and I end up overeating and setting myself back. So, in addition to moderation I want my “treats” at night to consist of only natural sweets, like fruit. My favorite “treat” right now is 1 cup coconut milk and ½ cup blueberries blended, yummy!!

With all that said I’m on my way to being on track. I have my goals set out and a plan to achieve them, now it is time to put the work in and see the results happen. Yesterday I was weak, today I am a little stronger, and tomorrow I will be stronger than yesterday.