Three Years Ago...

Three years ago, I was a different person.

 

Three years ago, I was 50 pounds heavier.

 

Three years ago, my life changed.

 

Today marks the third anniversary since I started my weight loss journey. Sometimes I look in the mirror and can’t believe that, that is me. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would be where I am today. God is so good!!

 

Speaking of the Lord, I wouldn’t be where I am today without Him. I’ve made many attempts at weight loss before but nothing ever seemed to click, until I became a believer of Christ. He is my refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1).

 

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”   ~ Philippians4:13

 

 

Last month I ran/walked my first half marathon, something I didn’t think I would ever do. While it wasn’t the best run, I learned a lot in the process and am so happy He blessed me with the strength and endurance to finish. If it had been left to my own will, I would have quit at mile 3. I was slightly dehydrated and dizzy, but the Lord pushed me forward.

 

“He alone is my rock and my salvation,

              my fortress where I will not be shaken.”  ~ Psalm 62:6

 

Three years ago, I started a journey that has changed so much in my life. I’m excited to see what is to come. Thanks for reading!

 

 

                        Before

                             After

               

        After my first half marathon 

    

A Leap of Faith

"What am I doing?" WHAT. AM. I. DOING?" I reach for the closest twig I can find, praying that it will keep me from tumbling down to my death. I inch my way up the cliff, little by little, grabbing for anything to keep me safe.


"Am I really going to do this?" Doubt fills my mind. "I might die!" Consumed by my fear, I realize I have reached the top. I lean over and see how far down it is. In reality, it's probably not that high, but to me, it was the highest cliff on earth.


"I shouldn't have looked. What am I doing? If I leave now, I will look weak. If I leave now, I am giving up."

 
I try to stand and immediately return to my crouching position.


I attempt a second time. I am able to stand, body trembling. My friends offer words of encouragement. As each encouragement is spoken, I inch closer and closer, until I can inch no further.


"Lord, I'm terrified. Please don't let me die."


And as if He were guiding me, I was gently pushed forward into the unknown. I had nowhere to go but down. I could choose the easy way and go back down the way I came or choose a path that could lead to something more.


Eyes squeezed shut, nose plugged. I took a leap of faith.

 
I jumped off the ledge and trusted God would keep me safe. And He did!

 

"Having hope will give you courage." ~ Job 11:18

 

For the people who know me, this is completely out of my character. In the past, I have been very content living in the box I have created for myself. But now! I'm craving more, more of everything.


I am thankful for my trials because it has made me more appreciative of what I have now. I look back at the mountains and valleys that it has taken to get to this point. But He brought me through it, as He promised.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ~ Romans 5:3-4

 

The Lord has been gradually changing the desires of my heart. As I said above, I crave more. I crave God's Word like I never have and it excites me!! The possibilities are endless when I walk with Him.

 

For "I cling to you; your right hand holds me securely." ~ Psalm 63:8

I also crave adventure more than I ever have. A friend told me recently to "not let fear or money get in the way of things I want to do." This statement kept turning over in my head.


I have been listening to sermons online from Mars Hill Church and while I was talking with my friend who lives there, I asked them if they've ever been. "Yes! I love it! they replied. I mentioned that I would love to go one day and they said "Come up!”


Could I really just "come up" that easily? The next thing I know, I am looking at flights. Fear reared its ugly head and I started thinking about all the MONEY I would spend and I'm sure I could use it somewhere else. REALLY?!?


I sat down and looked over my finances and it all worked out, but why was I still hesitating?

 

FEAR!!

 

"Do not let fear or money get in the way!" Again this statement came to mind. Is God trying to tell me something through my friend's words?


Three days later, I'm sitting in front of the computer, absolutely paralyzed as I look at flights again. "What am I waiting for?" I could literally feel the fear coursing through my body.

 

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He's done." ~ Philippians 4:6

 

I say a little prayer and with some words of encouragement, I clicked "purchase."


Purchasing a plane ticket may not seem as courageous as jumping off a cliff but both situations forced me to trust God completely. I don't really have a plan except, I know when I'm leaving and where I'm staying, after that, it is unknown.
 

But Jesus said, "If you try and hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed." ~ Luke 9:24-25

 

I'm not sure what will come from the journey ahead but I'm excited to see how God works in my life.

I've Lost 50lbs, Now What?

Guess what? I met my weight loss goal and have been maintaining it for over a year now. I never thought the day would come. I have dreamed about it for so long, that most days I feel like I am living the dream instead of reality. What I didn’t expect about reaching my goal was even though I shed the weight, I didn’t shed the insecurities and addictions.

 

How many of us who have lost weight or are losing weight have said to ourselves, “I will be happy when…” I know I have, more times than I can count. I always thought I would find true happiness when I reached my goal. Man! Was I wrong! Just because I shed the pounds didn’t mean I dealt with what was going on, on the inside. My 50 pound security blanket kept me safe from these insecurities but now that it was gone, I felt naked, vulnerable.

 

I often ask the question, “who am I now?” I have this thinner body, smaller clothes, and I look in the mirror and realize, “it is me, just a healthier version!” I now have more energy, the confidence to try new things, and I feel like I’m experiencing life for the first time in 25 years. I went from closing myself off from the world so I wouldn’t get hurt to running my first 10 mile race. A 10 mile race for this girl is amazing since I had never run more than a mile before. I have pushed myself past limits that I didn’t know I could overcome and I have to admit I love the person I am becoming. I am still the same person, just discovering who I have always been, but too afraid to meet.

 

Even though I have embraced this strong woman I am becoming, I still find traces of the insecure girl I was. I still struggle with a love for sweets and I still look in the mirror and see the imperfections after losing 50 pounds. I will admit I struggle, especially when desserts are in the break room and I have to walk past them every single time to make a copy. Another struggle is when someone offers me a treat, whether out of love or to sabotage me, and I have to say “no”. It may not be one time I say “no” but three or four times until they finally stop. The courage it takes us, whether we are just beginning, in the middle, or at the end of our weight loss journey to say “no” once is tremendous. But when we have to continue to say “no” to the same person it is excruciating, but it makes us stronger.

 

I love food! It doesn’t have to be sweets, I enjoy it all! I wish my addiction wasn’t something I needed on a daily basis to survive, but it is. I try to surround myself with people who support me and pick me up when I fall. Believe me, I am not perfect and I give in, but what counts is at the next meal, not the next day, we make a better choice. We always have a choice. Cate from this season’s Biggest Loser said something that stuck with me, “exercise isn’t a chore, it is a gift!” I love that even though it is hard, nothing worth doing is easy, and to have the courage to accept this gift is truly amazing.

 

And so my journey continues. The “now what” part begins with discovering where my insecurities come from and how I can manage my love for sweets without spiraling out of control. But that is an article for another day. Just stay strong and keep fighting, because what’s on the other side is so worth the hard work, sacrifice, and tears, just you wait and see!