Your Darkness or His Light?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about pain and heartache. Weird I know but it is something that I am going through right now. My question is this, why do we as humans choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for things that help us through?

As I have been delving into my pain and heartache I have noticed a pattern, when the going gets tough I tend to find myself holding onto the pain. It’s almost like I would rather be sad and moody instead of my normally chipper, smiling self. I just can’t muster the strength to reach for my Bible or my journal and work through it. I just sit there and think of all the good and bad memories and end up in tears. I would rather choose to sit alone in my darkness than seek happiness.

Here are some things that help me through a painful time – prayer, my Bible, journaling, talking to a friend, or sometimes just screaming at the top of my lungs while I’m driving (Yes! I may look crazy but sometimes you just need to release all the bad stuff).

Since I have been pondering this question for a while I asked a dear friend of mine, who I admire very much. Why is it that we choose to sulk in our pain instead of reaching for the things that help us through? Here is her response:

“Oh how I wish I had an answer for that one! We certainly all do it. It takes a wise person to realize the very thing they don’t want to do is exactly what they need to do and doing it will make them feel better. Sometimes we are too close to the situation to get out of it. We have to look at it from a distance and then take the steps needed to improve our situation.

On a more spiritual note; I believe we can only do the “right” thing with God’s power that lives in us.

I am of the theory that the enemy of God will do whatever it takes to keep us down.

·         If journaling helps with depression, he will put in your head 100 reasons why you shouldn’t journal. You are more useful to him when you are depressed.

·         If your weight has you discouraged; he will deceive you into believing that eating will make you feel better. You are more useful to him when you are discouraged.

·         If exercise energizes you and causes you to be healthy; he will fill your mind with lies about your ability and your body to keep you from trying. You are more useful to him when you are tired and unhealthy.

·         If reading your Bible makes you closer to God; this is where he pulls out the BIG GUNS!

Still – all of his attempts are powerless against the Almighty God.

                “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength” – Philippians 4:13

That’s why I think, we humans, struggle with this. There is a spirit of evil that does whatever it can to trap us into a worthless feeling life. Only with God’s help can we overcome those lies.”

In my daily devotional, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, this is what it said yesterday:

“Let me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace, leaning on Me as much as you need. There will still be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in My strength. Thank Me for each problem you encounter, and watch to see how I transform trials into blessings. “

                “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadows of death, and guide us to the path of peace. “                                                                                                                                                                             - Luke 1:78-79

Today I am choosing God’s light and refuse to sulk in the darkness. While my trial is painful, I have so much to be thankful for and this too shall pass.

                “At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”  

                      - Galatians 6:9

Oh Birthdays...

A birthday celebration took place today at work. I do love birthdays, who doesn’t?? A day all about you! However, today’s birthday celebration was not in honor of me but for a co-worker. She has recently joined our office and we had to “initiate” her into the birthday celebration ritual, which basically means having decorations on every surface of your desk. (Shoot! I should’ve taken a picture!)

So we have the decorations covered, thanks to yours truly and another sneaky co-worker, presents, and what else… CUPCAKES!!!! No birthday would be complete without the previously stated. And if anyone truly knows me, they know that I love me some sweets and normally have a difficult time stopping at one, hence why I was overweight for the majority of the life. Anyways! Since I have been on my weight loss journey, sweets and I have established a love/hate relationship. I love to eat them but my body hates them. 

This morning I walk into the break room and low and behold there they are… beautiful cupcakes!!!! If there could be a light glowing about them and angels singing “aaaaahhhhh” it would have been a perfect moment. I think to myself “Crap! I really want one! No! It’s only 8 am for crying out loud!” I continue to have this back and forth conversation with myself and finally decide against having one. I go to my desk and start my days work. Now the thing you should know is to get to my desk, I have to walk past the break room EVERYTIME!! And everytime those delicious little devils are calling my name. “Bridgette!!!!”

I finally decide that I need  want some chocolate, but I know that the cupcakes will cost be roughly 300-400 calories, that is not in my calorie budget folks! I settle for a small 50 calorie Peppermint Pattie and the urge for more chocolate is gone. It is a small step but it is a step in the right direction.

We all have our weaknesses and temptations, we may not always get it right but if we keep striving to be better it won’t always be a struggle. Take it one day, one step, and one breath at a time.

Be Fearless!

                                           (This is my background picture on my phone. It's a constant reminder)

Why is it that we let fear control our ability to take chances? Lately, I feel like I have fallen into a mode of complacency. I have all these amazing ideas and things I want to do and places I want to see but I let fear rip them from my grasp. I can just see it running around saying “HAHA! I have your hopes and dreams sucker!” I want to be courageous; I want to walk up to fear and say “No! You can’t have my hopes and dreams!” and take them back.  

Funny thing about fear is that it comes in all different shapes and sizes. This is a little hint of what fear looks like for me:

“I don’t have enough money to go do that”

“I don’t have anyone to go with”

“That’s too dangerous”

“I might get lost”

Fear!! Why do I let you control my life?! Don’t get me wrong I have gotten a lot better over the years and feel growth happening as I type this but I wonder what it would be like to say “what the hell!” and just go for it!

“So what if I don’t have enough money to do that, I will save!”

“I will ask around and see if anyone is interested. If not, I will figure something out!”

“Is it really too dangerous or am I just a little chick who doesn’t like to leave mama hen?”

“SO WHAT IF I GET LOST!! I will stop and ask for directions! You have a great invention called an IPhone, USE IT!!!”

Last night I was over at a friend’s house and I kept telling her, “You are so adventurous and take risks! I wish I was more like that!” She proceeded to disagree with me and said that no one would ever describe her as an “adventurous risk taker”, but that is how I see her, and she always inspires me to strive for more! From this conversation we decided to create a small list of things we wanted to do/places we wanted to go and we have a year to complete them. We never discussed what would happen if we didn’t complete them. Any hoo! Be on the lookout for more risks from yours truly! What did you do today that was a risk for you?